Parenting Kids Under 10 When You Are Ill

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Comment by Elizabeth L. T. on May 3, 2009 at 5:40pm

Hello, My name is Elizabeth. I'm new to this site, & kind of new to the area we moved to about a year ago. My husband works 2 hours away, so my son & I stay in the house or yard pretty much 24/7. I battle major depression & anxiety. Also, I have some vitamin disorders. I am anemic & battle early stages of Crohn's disease. Being home alone with a 4 year old creates its challenges -- especially since we have no transportation of our own while my husband is gone (mostly 2 weeks at a time). I love my God most of all! I love my family secondly :) Photography, cooking, fishing, violin & guitar :P seem to follow next in line. I hope I'm able to find some friends here on this site, as I find my self more & more isolated & withdrawn from anyone with more than a 4 year old vocabulary! Thank you all, & God bless you all...

Comment by Joyce on April 14, 2009 at 2:23pm

Most of all young children want us, their parents. They want time with us. So what can you do? Involve them in your daily chores. It is surprising what young children can do: fold things, put silverware in the drawer, dust (especially the low places), read to them - a lot, in bed if necessary. The key is time.

Comment by Hillary on April 2, 2009 at 1:05pm

I was told once, that being a mom with a chronic illness requires creativity. I love to learn any new ideas of having to take care of myself as well as my 3 young children.

Comment by Carol DeForest Shinde on March 19, 2009 at 4:08pm

Hi Joyce,
Thank you so much for your understanding and advice. I try to explain to him about fibromyalgia. He asks me each day if I have pain. He has been a bit easier lately.
I actually had to move back in with my parents. My mom helps a great deal with Luke and I have friends around who I call when I need someone to help me. Thankfully, many of my friends have children and they like having Luke over because it keeps their kids occupied...lol. I also belong to a church and they are very helpful. In fact, they are sending my son and I on a camping trip Mother's day weekend. They know it is difficult because I'm a single mom again (he has a dad but doesn't see him often).
It is definitely frustrating when I have my bad days because I want so desperately to have some normalcy for the sake of my son. But his normalcy is my trips to the hospital or seeing me in bed or in my recliner. The days I am good, I do things with him like go on nature walks and picnics.

Comment by Joyce on March 17, 2009 at 12:30pm

Oh Carol, my heart goes out to you. I have three daughters and remember well when they were young like your dear son, how difficult it was. He is probably experiencing some anger derived from the fear of not knowing if you will ever get better. Be honest with him, try to explain your illness to him. He may be feeling left out of the loop, but kids have an amazing ability to comprehend. My oldest daughter got very scared and frustrated until I explained what lupus was, how it affected me and importantly, what she could do to HELP. It is important to make your son feel like he is a part of your experience and can be helpful. Also, perhaps you could check into having someone come over and spend some time with him, like a teenager. A sort of supervised babysitting. You are around, but someone who can run around or do things with him you can't. Do you belong to a church? Perhaps someone there would be willing to help or know someone.

Comment by Carol DeForest Shinde on March 13, 2009 at 8:42am

Yesterday my son got so mad at me because I couldn't play with him. I had surgery six weeks ago and I decided I would take my son for a walk down our road to see my neighbor's horses. When we came back up I had such a bad attack (I honestly don't know if it was fibromyalgia, neurapathy, or what) but my speech started to slur and I just dropped to my knee's and crawled up my stairs. I live with my parents and so Mom was able to tend to Luke but he accused me of not wanting to play with him and that I just didn't love him anymore. It broke my heart because I want to play and do things with my son and I just can't. It's so frustrating. All his little life he's spent time on the bedside next to me or visiting me at the hospital. At one time, he used to just brush my hair back and tell me how he was going to be a doctor when he grew up and help find a way to make me better. Now he's blaming me for my illnesses. I understand his frustration but how do I explain to a 5 year old so he can understand what I go through some days (which seem to be more days than less these days)?

Comment by Carol DeForest Shinde on February 28, 2009 at 3:14pm

Thanks lightgirl :o) I couldn't agree with you more about focusing on the day at hand. That is definitely something I have learned lately. I belong to a weight loss program called First Place 4 Health and that is something that is stressed. In fact, usually they say that if you don't have the strength to do the task at hand just do the next right thing. It helps to just rely on God's grace to give you the ability to put the next foot forward and press on. There is a freedom in the process of letting go. I also agree that laughter is a HUGE part of healing. I guess there is some truth in laughter being the best medicine :o)

Comment by lightgirl on February 28, 2009 at 9:58am

Carol,

I'm so sorry that you've been suffering so much lately, and about your marriage...Yes, it is tough when you find out that your spouse cannot take it anymore...My former spouse did the same thing...I was very sick during my pregnancy, and with all the stress and everything he left and hasn't come back because it was too much for him. Later on I found out that when my former husband said "I do" that he expected, as he stated "the floor to fall in."

Even with our partners, sometimes the commit level is not the same for both of us...It can be difficult to stay uplifted when our bodies are suffering, and it would be easy for us to get down and depressed...I have found that when I'm only focusing on today and not tomorrow or the future that I'm more at peace inside...We have no idea what the future holds, but we can rest assured that God will give us the grace and mercy that we need everyday...

Hang in there and Stay Strong my Sister! :-)

Also, I highly recommend listening to a lot of funny shows and/or comedians...There is so much humor in life. I believe that we can either find something to laugh about or something to cry about everyday because life is funny! :-)

Stay Strong and Encouraged! :-)

Comment by Carol DeForest Shinde on February 28, 2009 at 7:13am

My name is Carol. I have fibromyalgia and cervical spinal stenosis to name only a few of the health issues I have. Sadly, my marriage came to an end last year when my husband decided it was just too much for him to handle and he looked for someone else healthier. My son and I moved back into my parents home. Thankfully, my parents are healthy and they have been a tremendous support during this time of recovery for me and my son. It is very hard on a marriage when illness strikes. I think people get so caught up in thinking that we are supposed to have a life without pain and suffering. The world promotes "healthy" living and "being happy" all the time. Unfortunately life is full of pain and suffering and the daily struggles we have confound those who are blessed enough to have their health intact. It is sometimes so hard to keep sight of the Lord and remember He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us during these times...or any time for that matter. It hurts when the one you fell in love with loses sight of the big picture because they are so centered in the situation at hand. But remember, God is bigger than everything we endure. He knows our suffering and the heartache each and every one of us carry deep inside us. The Lord will carry you through. He's great that way :o) I will be praying for the families and loved ones. I pray the Lord will instill His gentle compassion and loving servitude for each and every one of us when facing the battles of frustration and misunderstandings that life is forever throwing in our faces.

Comment by Carrie on February 24, 2009 at 11:28am

Thank you Joyce and lightgirl for your comments. No, there is not anyone else who can help with the housework.

He has been to my doctor's appointments with me and he knows that the pain is real. I agree that I think he just wants to fix the situation and doesn't know how to handle his helplessness in the situation.

Yesterday, he did the dishes and cleaned some of the house. I thanked him for it. I know acknowledging what he does is a big thing for him too. So, I am working on that.

Thank you.

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